international snack reportage (post is in English, don't worry)

Nikki and I had a dozen delicious aloe soju-tinis at the new Korean restaurant near my place last week, which made us appreciate the FREE Korean snacks all the more.

Unfortunately I had already snacked pretty hard before I thought to have N photograph the spoils. (you can see the wreckage of my plate in the photo, there WERE dumplings...)

There was kimchee, spicy tofu, salty green beans, pickled cucumbers, soybeans and some other thing that we couldn't identify. The soybeans reminded N of those boston baked bean candies and me of boiled peanuts. I don't like either of those snacks. But I LOVED these Korean soybeans. They also allowed me to practice my abysmal chopstick skills. (which were further hindered by the 12 soju-tinis.)

cookies you want

I just sampled some delicious new varieties of Pepperidge Farm cookies and, naturally, wanted to share my findings with you.

Cookie number one is called the Tahiti and boy, let me tell you, this cookie is a VACATION! A crispy little sandwich made out of coconut cookies with chocolate in between. I believe that because the cookies are so coconutty they count as a FRUIT, so I was sure to eat 3-5 servings of the TAHITI and suggest you do the same.

Next up was the Rialto, a cosmopolitan little cookie that
would have one of those unplaceable European accents. If cookies talked. Which we ALL KNOW they don't. Also a sandwich cookie, the Rialto is chocolaty cookies with amaretto-chocolate icing in the middle.

Run out and get yourself some cookies.

All the president's snacks

So here in Washington this weekend was the White House Correspondent's Association festivities. The blogosphere is already jammed up with commentary on the main event, so I am going to stick to the snicky-snacks. Fueled largely by alcohol, there wasn't much breaking news on the snack front, but I did need to make sure you saw this adorable snack-swag from the Bloomberg after-party. You can buy these chocolate mice that are ALMOST too cute to snack on a Burdick's.

Readers: Please let me know if you have any pictures of the president eating CHOCOLATE MICE!

this snack was made for walkin'

this here is a snack for the ages.

On Nikki's birthday several months back, we devoured this dolly cake that one of Nikki's CREATIVE snack artiste co-workers made for her. There was a high stakes bet around whether there were (inedible) doll legs inside her confectionery couture. SnackManiac lost.

Everyone was a winner though when we started stuffing our faces with Barbie BAKED GOODS. The cake was nice and juicy and the frosting had high-sparkle glitter in it. We washed it down with some fancy bubbly and celebrated Nikki's birth. And continued to be grossed out by the dolly's unclothed extremities in the middle of a birthday cake.

snack PLUS princess = birthday TIME!!!

UPDATE: Nikki appears to keep the cake dolly by her side, check out this pic of her, apparently at work with N(?) sporting a new, non-cake outfit. That may or may not be made out of lab tape.

Nikki says: "I made dolly a dress. She's doing well but refuses to take off that damn tiara."

Please consider this the first installment of "SNACKS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW??"

liquid snack: no chewing required

okay, okay, so this isn't actually a snack. but check out how lovely these champagne cocktails Nikki and I had after work last Friday. they do have GARNISHES, which are like snacks, only smaller. PLUS, once you suck a few of these puppies down, you are going to go on a snack rampage.

snackmaniac BREAKING NEWS ALERT

Attention snack fiends everywhere, today is FREE CONE DAY at Ben & Jerry's!!

This means that you can have an ICE CREAM CONE for dinner because it is FISCALLY responsible. Ben Bernanke says, "I recommend the Chunky Monkey."

I have taken the liberty of mapping all of the Ben & Jerry's locations in Washington, DC, so you, like SnackManiac, can hit them all up TONIGHT by 8:00 pm.

KETTLE of (snack) fish indeed

A reader wrote in asking SnackManiac to conduct some research comparing regular Goldfish crackers with the new "Flavor Blasted" Goldfish crackers. I was ready to roll up my sleeves and get snackin' both because this was a worthy endeavor and because the names of those aquatic snacks just cracked me up. Xplosive Pizza. Why would you want to eat that? It is way to funny to be taken seriously.

Anyway, along those lines, while I was in the store looking to buy a bag of regular pizza guppies and XPLOSIVE ones to do a little Louis Pasteur style experimentation back in the lab (aka my sofa,) these other hilarious Goldfish caught my eye.

Now I don't know if this was just a coincidence or some convoluted stance on immigration that the Brookville market is taking, but the queso jalapeno flavor was the only package in Spanish, but it was awesome. I always prefer snacks with GRAN SABOR, so basically, YES PLEASE.

Onto the snack itself. First of all, the goldfish are NOT wearing sunglasses as advertised on the package, so don't get your hopes up. They are, however, SWIMMING in Dorito cheese dust topping. They are cheesy, spicy and chemically, but in a delightful way. And YES, the sabor was in fact EXPLOSIVO.

Pet snack PSA

Attention all readers who like to like snacking side by side with their pets. (And I suppose any snackers who sample pet snacks with any regularity.) All that hullabaloo about poisonous pet food has now been linked to PET SNACKS.

I don't really get all that into hanging out with animals let alone advocate their issues, but I couldn't help but write about this because apparently pet snacks have hilarious names.

Here are some of the poisonous pooch treats that have been recalled because they contain some semi-un-natural substance that is used to make fabric fire retardant:

• Gravy Train Beef Sticks
• Ol' Roy Bark'n Bac'n Beef & Bacon Strips
• Pounce Meaty Morsels

I'll bet that I would eat a snack with the word "Bac'n" in the title. And I bet you would too.

grilled cheese-gate: a SNACKSPOSE

so a very perceptive and trusty New York snacker brought to my attention a snack scandal the full extent of which I cannot yet understand.

let me start at the beginning.

April 2nd was National PBJ Day. We didn't know why, but it was only one day, and they had a cute logo. Then we learn that the entire month of April is GRILLED CHEESE MONTH. Now you know I love a grilled cheese, so don't even think accusing me about bias, but to quote my source:

"Do we think Grilled Cheese deserves a whole month while PB and J gets only a day? I’m not saying its wrong, I’m just bringing up the discussion. Also, who decides these things? Which sandwich gets a day and which a month? Its further insulting that PB and J gets a day within Grilled Cheese Month. Should it not, at very least, have its own day on a different month?"

So I hop on the 'net and discover that "National Grilled Cheese Month" was created back in 2001 as part of a marketing campaign launched by the American Dairy Association. They even wasted some of Congress' time presenting them their plan which included promotion of the website www.ilovecheese.com. This website still exists and has a feature on it that I look forward to learning (and TELLING you) about called the "snackulator," clever dairy folks, very clever.

YET, there is no mention of National Grilled Cheese month. The people who created it are no longer observing it, YET the underground, rogue dairy fans have kept it alive, influencing even the mainstream media who can't get enough of grilled cheese this month. Both the New York Times AND New York Magazine have run suspiciously favorable (although a touch pretentious, brioche? raw milk Comté? you're killing me) pieces on grilled cheese. Is that all it takes to create a national holiday, mere suggestion of an abandoned marketing campaign brought to you by the goons from "Thank You For Smoking" and you get a big wet kiss from the Gray Lady??

Readers, I want you to know that SnackManiac will never fall for that kind of peer pressure. I write about the snacks that matter.

There was a bunny cake at the Last Supper, right? I think I remember that from the painting.

As promised, I wanted to share with you the photo journalistic evidence of the Easter brunch BASH I attended. There isn't room on the internet for me to list everything that was served, so this is just a sampling of what the Easter Bunny brought for dinner.

This picture doesn't really do the meal justice, but CHECK OUT that HoneyBaked ham. Which I love. There were also several egg bakes, french toast casserole, fruit kabobs and CHAMPAGNE. Jesus would have been pleased.

Also, did I mention the BUNNY CAKE?? There were actually two bunny cakes mostly in response to a picky snacker's complaint that the bowtie on last year's bunny cake wasn't all that convincing. (ed. BUNNIES DON'T WEAR BOWTIES IN REAL LIFE.) Nonetheless, this meant two bunny cakes for me.

After the religious festival that was dessert (which also included a lovely trifle and some chocolate chip cookie nests filled with frosting and CANDY,) SnackManiac cracked into the Easter baskets and ate 3 KitKats and a purple Airhead, which, as it happens, is a really uncomfortable finish to a 4500 calorie meal. But at least it is classy.

slightly less punishing punishment bun

I have previously posted about what a crummy snack the seasonal hot cross bun is. I happened to eat one from Heller's bakery on Saturday that wasn't quite as bad as the ones I have had previously. As a journalist, I thought it was my duty to let you, dear readers, know.

Please don't construe this as a correction, or even an apology, just a snack apprisal.

The Lord has risen, you know how I know? There was a bunny cake.

Okay, so the SnackManiac is very sleepy, due in large part to the snack binge that took place to celebrate the rolling back of the rock. But I did want to whet your beak for the the Easter recap that will be coming in the next day.

TRUST ME, it is worth the wait, but here is a teaser:

PLEASE NOTE THE TAIL, HOW CUTE!!

Jew-friendly snacks

While feasting on Cadbury mini-eggs, SnackManiac began to think about what a challenging time Passover is for Kosher-snackers. In addition to the trials of bitter herbs and gefilte fish, Passover observances prohibit snacking on anything that is leavened, which includes bread, cake and cookies, as well as anything that ferments, like BEER. (An informed Jewish source advised that your best option is to hop on the liq-train during Passover. That's the kind of ingenuity that the SnackManiac likes to hear about!)

The good news is that the Children of Israel have come up with some special snacks for Passover that I was excited to report on. Check out these chocolate-covered Matzo/Matzoh/Matzah/Matza crackers. What a way to juice up a flour and water toast!! Taste-testers described the Tam Tam as having "all the crunchiness of a cookie wafer while retaining the true matzah qualities."

Attention Jewish readers: Please use the comments section to let SnackManiac know about other Passover snacks worthy of investigation. My search for the macaroon continues...

Easter eats

So it looks like the Easter Bunny came early to my office, check out this adorable SEASONAL cookie! By way of a full description, it is a cookie that has been rolled in coconut, squashed in the middle to create a NEST and filled with easter M&Ms. It was crafted by one of my industrious co-workers and delivered, presumably, by the Easter bunny.

It was quite the treat and whet my appetite for more snacks enjoyed in honor of the resurrected Jesus.

For those of you who don't buy the resurrected Jesus bit, don't fret, a unleavened post is in the works.

belated observance of snack holiday

A savvy New York tipster sent along this special report analyzing the making of a perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich (the kind you make yourself, not the kind made for lazy people by robots.)

The scientific analysis by the team at Serious Eats is quite comprehensive and was conducted in honor of a SNACK RELATED HOLIDAY that I am ashamed to have overlooked; yesterday was National PBJ Day!! (That sammie with a face was created by them, appropriated by SnackManiac.)

It is hard to tell what the origins of PBJ Day are, but I am suspicious of a link on Serious Eats that goes to an About.com page entitled HOMESCHOOLING. I suppose if I was trapped in the house with some kids all day, I would start making up holidays about lunch too.

Be sure to check out the report on Serious Eats, there is some in-depth reporting on peanut butter and some highly amusing graphics about the peanut butter to jelly ratio.

My snack can beat up your snack

Not being a regular reader of "The Lean Plate Club" column in the Washington Post, it took me a few days to uncover this recent column about snacks.

Citing the Snack Food Association (!!!,) Sally Squires writes that Americans spent $24 billion on snacks in 2005 and favor savory snacks over sweets. Beating her "healthy living" drum Sally starts jabbering about the introduction of whole grain snacks into the marketplace. The reporting is a bit of a snooze, "have a glass of soy milk instead of Doritos!" Right. But then it gets good when she conducts an informal taste test in the newsroom of some snack-ternatives.

The shocking results?

"The least favorite was Dr. Kracker's Muesli Kribbons Made with Spelt."

That's the funniest snack I have ever heard of.

It's never too early for snacking

We celebrated Sarah's birthday yesterday with a brunch feast, including a great new breakfast snack, the sausage and cheese pinwheel. It had all the hallmarks of a great snack, crispy, greasy and cheesy. My photography does not do this snack JUSTICE. The first one was so good I ate about 6 more to ensure it was not a fluke. This snack embodies an important axiom of high snackage: [MEAT + CHEESE] wrapped in BUTTERY PUFF PASTRY always = SUPERB snacking.

The sausage pinwheel was just the beginning of the festivities which also included several varieties of egg bake, bagels and lox and fruit salad., all washed down with fancy mimosas with mango sorbet.

G and I brought some contraband donuts from Hellers that weighed approximately 2 pounds per donut. (A hearty snack indeed.) I was so excited about eating them, I failed to capture them on film.

Inspired by yesterday's morning snack bash, I started today off strong with two Easter Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the way to the bus...

Catholics against chocolate

While SnackManiac never intended to get in the business of commenting on religious or political debates, it seems that snacks have been flying in the face of spirituality lately and it would be irresponsible of me not to offer my professional assessment.

Today's tale of snack related outrage takes place in New York City, home to many great snacks. And apparently home to many great freaks who have way too much time on their hands to make things out of chocolate or complain about things other people made out of chocolate.

A hotel in midtown was set to display a life sized Jesus made of of MILK CHOCOLATE starting on Monday to coincide with Holy Week. All you need to know is that the exhibit is called "My Sweet Jesus" (HILARIOUS) and the Jesus is fully nude (which is apparently the offensive part. at least he's not wearing a bowtie.) Rather than ignoring the deified dessert, the Catholic League expressed their outrage, catapulting the story to top national news (be sure to watch the video report on msnbc.com, although remember, the Jesus is NAKED and therefore may not be suitable for all audiences.)

My favorite part of the story is thinking about the PR person at the Catholic League using the phrase "naked chocolate Jesus" in a press release.

Also, no one seems to have asked the important question: IS HE HOLLOW?