Frosty the Snow Cheese

As a fitting first anniversary celebration of SnackManiac, the family festivities commenced with a snowman cheeseball:


This shot is pre-nose job. I forgot to take one after he had a little work done and now things are a little on the graphic side. Readers, I want to spare you unnecessary cheeseball carnage during this season of joy and snacking.

I made a snowman cheeseball for some pre-Christmas snacking in DC, but mistakenly used orange cheddar, rather than white, so my snowcheese looked like he had just returned from Boca. Yes, even I mis-snack.

[If there are any SM cousins out there who have shots of S.M.C.B. with nose #2, please send them to thesnackmaniac@gmail.com]

stocking stuffers

Nothing says Santa-time like cured meats. Check out this delightful plate of antipasti that I got a quick photo of before D chowed on it in front of the Christmas tree at Aunt Martha's.

Family Christmas dinner #1 was Italian-themed. Family Christmas #2, scheduled for tomorrow, is HAM-themed. Stay tuned for some real time snacking updates starting at 5:00 pm EST.

snacking in anticipation of santa

Seven fish, three wisemen, what about four dips?!?!? Jesus loved dip too (I assume. Everyone loves dip.)

At the SnackManiac family estate this Christmas Eve, we celebrated Jesus and Rudoph with a festival of DIPS!!!

Here is the line-up:

- Queso with spinach

- Buffalo chicken wing dip (that is the one that appears to be emanating radiation)

- Horseradish kidney bean dip

- "Hot ham dip," a family legend that does not contain any ham whatsoever, but instead "dried beef," a product the SnackManiac sibling screamed "that smells like cat food, I'm not eating that!!!" when I got him in a headlock and forced the package over his nose. He still devoured the dip. Behold the power of the snack.

In the name of our savior's birth, we binged on dips until we all ODed (over dipped) and our blood pressure skyrocketed.

Check out this action shot mid-dip!!!

(Yes, the carefully selected pairing for the meal was the SILVER BULLET!!!!)

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!!

Singing snacks

Watching "Elmo's Christmas Countdown" with the 'rents. There is a singing FRUITCAKE!!! It is seriously the cutest fruitcake you have ever seen. And it sings!! A snack that sings!!

There is also a singing candy cane, but his mouth is very small, so I don't know how much he is contributing to the singing.

Tune in now!

UPDATE:

You can sort of see the singing fruitcake and candy cane in this screengrab, it is even cuter than I remember!!!!!

the snack is back!

Apologies for the hiatus, please don't assume there has been a downtick in snacking.

G and I went to NYC to snack with our big city friends, and boy, we were not DISAPPOINTED.

We went to the Chelsea Food Market which, in addition to being the spot where the FoodTV studios are located, seems to be a historic SITE:


There are no monuments of this import in Washington, so I am glad we made the pilgrimage.

Shortly after paying homage to the Double Stuff, we witnessed a snack with even more ICING!!!! Only in the BIG apple. This is a nutty cupcake that has a muppet bust crafted out of icing on top. I think that the cupcake only exists as a handle to hold onto, otherwise Oscars head would get all over your hands. I was hoping to watch a child-type person eat one of these and go bananas, but no such luck.

SnackManiac was too stuffed from brunch to think about this, but if I DID buy one, I would requested the most googly-eyed.

gobble gobble

These snacks don't involve maize, but they would make Squanto proud. Right after he taught the pilgrims to do that whole fish-fertilizer business, he taught them how to glue cookies and candy together with frosting to make these adorable turkey snacks.

The internet is teeming with "recipes" for making these giblet-free turkey treats. The fundamental break between the Oreo and the Nutter Butter sects. I appreciate what the Oreo is doing, but come on, a Nutter Butter and a turkey are virtually indistinguishable. But this is an unbiased news outlet, so the Snack Maniac will get back to the facts.

To make your own poultry pastry snack, you take a cookie, a bunch of candy (Whoppers, Reese's cups, Hershey's Kisses,) and a bunch of icing to glue them together. This piece of candy creates the torso(?) thorax(?) for your turkey. Next you create the plummage with candy corn, fruit roll ups or some other colorful, wax-based snack. I came across some recipes that involved raisins , but I am not even going to talk about those, because we all know that Squanto hated raisins, and so should you.

do not be SCARED of these snacks

Just in time for Halloween, here are some gory guts cookies for your perusal. While the skeletal snacks are an obvious choice during this season, the thymus and spleen cookies are slightly less traditional offerings. Less delicious? Probably not, but highly gross AND educational. [Is that what my spleen looks like?!?!?]

What sort of bakery creates the thymus treat??? Are only medical professionals allowed to snack on these?? Were you playing an entirely edible version of Operation?? Tipster, tell us more in the comments section!!!


Happy snacking on this spooky day. Remember in the fight for fun size snickers, it is every snacker for himself!!

Breakfast Bomb

Kudos to Hardees who, last week, debuted a snack that tests the limits of "snack per square inch."

The Country Breakfast Burrito includes eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy--all conveniently wrapped up in a tortilla, which adds both an international flair and an easy way to tote this snack gem with you.

READERS-have you seen anyone chowing on the CBB during your commute??? If so, please send dispatches to thesnackmaniac@gmail.com

At first I thought that was ranch dressing in the picture, but it turns out it is gravy. The SnackManiac suggests getting a tub of ranch on the side, you know, for dipping.

Some decry this 920 calorie snack as not quite as healthy as other breakfast options, like All-Bran, for instance. But "we don't try to hide what these are" says Hardees. And by that, I can only assume they mean a tasty, on the go breakfast that will fuel you for a day of hard physical labor or a really intense game of MindSweeper at your desk.

spooky snacks!!

(photo credit to my office neighbor, Chris)

Check out this gross-out eyeball cupcake!!! [note: not a real eyeball in the middle there, it is a CANDY eyeball. just as slimy as a real eyeball, but made of CANDY.] I'm not quite sure what sort of meeting this kind of thing is appropriate for, but these terrifying treats wound up in the left-over pile in the office kitchen today. What a fright!!!

snack crackdown!

This morning's Examiner reports that metro plans to step up efforts to eliminate problematic subway snacking.

While they have no plans to repeat a 2000 incident when a girl's unalienable right to snack was violated over a FRENCH FRY, riders will be subject to a $100 fine.

This is all okay by the SnackManiac; some snacks are worth $100 and I want John Roberts to be able to spend his time enjoying snacks, not adjudicating them, oh, and upholding the constitution.

Sugar high

I'm not sure what is going on with Oreos these days. Two unrelated pieces of reporting have indicated that there may be a link between the smoking of marijuana cigarettes and consumption of Oreo products. (ed. Snack Maniac is not implying that this lady with nylons and sandals on, oh and a HUGE OREO HAT smokes marijuana cigarettes. Also, this picture is from the TrueMajority website.)

The first indication of this trend came from an unreliable source, the internet. In a discussion thread on Digg, there were 148 comments posted under the headline "Oreo Clearly Tries to Capture the Marijuana Market w/ New "Cakesters." Most of them don't make all that much sense and half of the posters are disappointed that the string wasn't *more* about pot.

I dismissed this notion without further thought until the reputable and high minded Express newspaper set forth a strikingly similar argument in a column entitled "Styles Test: Pizza Gone Wrong."

"People need to stop messing with Oreos. First, there were the Cakesters, which are unholy. And right behind them on the profane train is the new Oreo Dessert Pizza from Domino's."

Ok, so I haven't had the Oreo 'za, but I think that commercial with the weird "Oreo Dessert Pizza Beard" set up is funny, even though no one else does. Nonetheless, Express goes on to say that an office taste tester said "people who are high will love this." UNBELIEVABLE!

I can't tell who is being slandered more here, the Oreo or the cannabis-enthusiast.

snacks at sea

SnackManiac hit the beach a few weeks ago in Maine where there was some serious coastal snacking. I ate many (MANY) Congdon's donuts while there. Much like fresh fruits and vegetables, these fresh DONUTS made me feel healthy and alive, my heart was pumping extra loud and hard (STRONG) after chowing on four or five of these.




I wasn't the only one on vacation, check out this picture of a Heath Bar blizzard catching some rays!!!

perfect breakfast snack

This afternoon the SnackManiac received an urgent email from Matthew: cousin, photographer and fellow blogger, regarding a wild new chocolate bar. With bacon in it. He asked the question you are undoubtedly pondering, "I love bacon. I love chocolate. But this?"

This INDEED.

It was just my luck that Biagio Fine Chocolates, a shoppe RIGHT on my corner (!!!) carries the snack in question, Mo's Bacon Bar by Vosges. (P.S. I highly recommend a pop-in to Biagio, it is like a museum and the proprietors are quite helpful. I am going to start bringing a pretty bar of chocolate to dinner parties instead of a bottle of crummy wine. (Invite me over, I will bring a TREAT!!!))

Anyhow, I had the "Haute Chocolat" while my dinner was cooking, you know, as an app. (I wanted to make sure I had a clean palate.) It was the best! The chocolate was very melty and fancy, the bacon bits were tiny, crispy and salty. You have to be prepared for it to be a bacon chocolate bar, not a Mr. Goodbar, otherwise you might be startled and drop it on the ground.

I could not be happier with my purchase. Only possible drawback? This snack might have more saturated fat than literally anything. Good thing I don't know how to read those complicated nutrition facts charts.

Guest Blog: Minnesota State Fair

As close associates of the SnackManiac, we--the Snacking Sibling and his cohort, the Snackster from South Dakota--are honored to blog about the snacks present at the "Great Minnesota Get-Together"(!), aka the Minnesota State Fair.

The air was rich and smoky as we arrived at the Fair Grounds in St. Paul. The smell of charbroiled pork chops wafted over the "Miracle of Life Center," where adorable baby farm animals were birthed. Our goal was quite the opposite: to consume snacks which may very well end our lives.

After surveying the extraordinary plethora of available treats, most of them on a stick, and all of them fried, we decided to begin with the quintessential Minnesotan delight: the "Hot Dish On A Stick." How is such a snack possible, you might ask?

Take meatballs and tater-tots, place them in alternating order on a stick, fry in corndog batter, and, oh yeah, add a little bit of love. And also a cream of mushroom/hamburger dipping sauce.

Expectations for this snack were particularly high, as the " H.D.O.A.S." was dubbed the "Best Food at the Fair" by the Travel Channel. (Yes, this a a SnackManiac exclusive(!)) It was indeed delicious, pleasing to the palette in both texture and taste.

The chefs themselves heartily agreed, shoveling the piping-hot treat into their own mouths while encouraging passers-by to partake. Despite the comfort food, we were soon to be faced with an epic decision: Was our next choice to be deep fried pickle slices or cheese curds? After discussing at length the merits of both, the pickles won out.


These crispy morsels were red hot in temperature and adorned with a spicy ranch dipping sauce. The batter was extra crunchy and left our fingers glistening. A worthy follow up to the hot dish. Now that we had satisfied the bulk of the food pyramid, we decided to indulge in the tippy-top of that fabled mountain: Sweets.

There was only one snack which would satiate our need for both saturated fat and diabetic shock: The deep-fat fried candy bar on a stick. We had a mouth-watering trifecta of options: Three Musketeers, Milky Way, or Snickers. We decided on the Milky Way, a fortuitous decision as the 16-year old who manned the both had just doused the treat in 1/2 lbs. of powdered sugar. The first bite was taken by the Snackster from South Dakota, who momentarily disappeared in an avalanche of powdered sugar.

Emerging from the haze, wide-eyed and resembling Pablo Escobar, she declared the snack to be everything she thought it could be. The candy bar was cocooned in a sweet, donut-like batter that allowed it to melt down to its gooey essence. The viscous choco-carmel complex served as an excellent foil to the cakey, fried-dough shell. We finished the snack sitting down in order
to allow our pancreas to pump at full volume.




Overall the Minnesota State Fair offered snacks in Bacchanalian proportions. If we only had the time and gastro-intestinal fortitude to sample everything...

Nuggetfest

Last weekend the SnackManiac's crew gathered together to celebrate my birthday. (It was a very exclusive thing, so don't be upset that you weren't invited.)

We dined on a snack to end all snacks: the Chik-Fil-A nugget. Well, more than one of them. Actually, we got 250. They were SOOO good. Along with 4 dipping sauces and 15 pounds of waffle fries, it was hard for people to remember what they were more grateful for, me or the nugs. (I set the record straight.)

Once our sodium levels hit dangerous highs, we dove into the sheet cake to balance things off with equal measures of icing.

The pairing for the evening was copious amounts of Miller Lite, the light floral notes of which complemented the Polynesian sauce quite nicely.



The SnackManiac's recommendation for your birthday fete? Think of your favorite snack, then ask your friends to buy a platter of 250.

Mallo: not sure what it is, but I like it

A top secret source of mine tipped me off to this snack indigenous to her hometown of Pittsburgh. After having made the case for the Mallo Cup for several weeks, the PA-snacker presented me with some review copies, so I couldn't ignore this tooth-decay inducing delicacy any longer.

The Mallo Cup *looks* like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but don't be fooled! The chocolate of the Mallo Cup has tiny bits of coconut in it, which is both delicious and adds a little texture. The middle is basically corn syrup and guar gum (a vegetable stabilizer, obviously,) and is sort of a cross between marshmallow fluff and that stuff in the middle of a cadbury egg, but much more sophisticated.

While this snack is sometimes hard to find outside of its natural habitat, the good news is that the MC is available in a "GIANT SIZE 4-PACK" at Wegman's, my new favorite snack scoping location. And take it from the SnackManiac, it is most certainly advisable to eat at least four of these in one sitting.

BREAKING NEWS: THE PRUNE IS OFFICIALLY DRIED UP

Holy moley. A tipster sent me an urgent message this morning alerting me to the closure of the Fractured Prune, purveyor of the "kids meal: two donuts dipped in hot fudged and rolled around in oreos and reeses with a chocolate milk, [inexplicably] served on a frisbee!!"

I have very conflicted feelings about this development. You all know of my troubled past with FP, but I must admit I am quite saddened to hear of this news and can't help but feel that my derisive words are certainly to blame for this recent turn of events.

Just last month, I shared a pile of donuts and candy with my brother at the Prune. I will treasure that memory always.

Sentimentality aside, I smell a scandal. Reports coming in indicate there is a sign on the door that says "store is relocating and more information is available at www.metroprune.com" only its not. There is just a huge picture of that crippled prune and some stale info about Rockville. I don't even know where that is.

Developing....

snackmobile

As you might know, I am not all that interested in any sort of health food snacks, so please don't consider this an endorsement, but I must commend Lesser Evil for their very amusing "SNACKCIDENT PREVENTION TEAM" van.

While clever, as my tipster mentioned, not everyone would be pleased by having their Cheetos torn out of their mitts and then presented with "Cajun Kaboom! Krinkle Sticks tm."That sort of thing might just call for a snack-down...

the Colonel woudn't put up with this bologna

Please withhold your derision about this falling outside the definitional confines of "snack;" I had to post about this foodstuff because it was obviously made by a MANIAC.

(Photo, Saveur.com)

That's right folks, that chicken is wearing a cape made out of lettuce. The dashing poultry is apparently a traditional recipe called "Captain's Chicken" which some culinary crackpot actually made into a captain in a "spurt of joyous kitchen artistry." Saveur, how charitable of you.

new snack on the streets of DC, literally

Many apologies to my loyal readers for the recent lag in posting. I have spent many of the last days in seclusion mulling over a new snack that I tried over the weekend, deciding how best to chronicle my journey with this:

CAKESTERS?

Now that name is just silly. It sounds like something I would have come up with. Or perhaps a name I would call someone in a derogatory fashion. And at $4.19 at Giant, I couldn't help but think "Who DOES this snack think it is???"

But then I tasted it, and instead of thinking "what kind of cakester would buy this snack?" I thought, "what would my life have been like had I discovered this SOFT SNACK CAKE sooner???"

It tastes nothing like and oreo and is not as big as you want, but it is so unbelievably sweet and moist you just can't help marvel at the power of processed foods.

ARCHER DANIELS MIDLAND, I salute you and your pursuit of lecithin for all!!!

UPDATE:

This Cakester IS as big as I want!!!

(Credit: FredoAlvarez, you can see it on Flickr)

While this photo of a humongous Cakester outside of Union Station in DC is quite awesome, it in no way clears up the WEIRDNESS of the Cakester. I am horrified that SnackManiac was not notified of this media opportunity. But I do think that I want to celebrate my 95th birthday with a Cakester of this magnitude.

snack mecca?

So this is the SNACK SHOP at the Sunoco near Dupont Circle. It truly looks like the temple of twinkies, right? A Greco Roman palace where the snack gods feast upon corn nuts. BUT NO! I tried to buy a Snickers there, through the little window, at 10pm, and I was DENIED. Let me just say, I would run a slightly tighter snack ship, that's all.

let me eat cake

G's birthday was this week and we celebrated with one of the holiest of snacks, the Giant sheet cake. That cake is so sugary yet goes down so easy, it is a delight.

Unfortunately for G and the rest of the party goers, "the bakery lady doesn't work on Wednesdays," so my icing stylings had to suffice.

I accidentally drew that huge sun with sunglasses on it. I couldn't help myself, it just happened.

underage snacking

Prolific commenter SnackAttack has alerted SM to a very intriguing professional resource, FoodProcessing.com. Okay, so you might be saying to yourself "I read SnackManiac for the sharp commentary and searing insights, not industry news that I can get from any old snack rag." But WAIT! FoodProcessing.com has a hilarious feature called "Food Biz Kids" that, while perhaps flying in the face of child labor laws, is THE place to go to find out what 7th and 8th graders think about new SNACKS. It is never made clear what jobs these middle schoolers hold in the BIZ, but I trust them.

Shockingly, in recent taste tests, the panel preferred the Butterfinger Stixx to the Raisin Bran Cereal Bar. Here are some comments from the FBK:

Re: Raisin Bran

Tommy Rorke, 7th grade:
The texture is pretty rough and it clogs your throat.

Trevor Santoro, 7th grade:
Post Raisin Bran Cereal Bars would be good if there were no raisins. You should know kids don’t like raisins.

Ana Leon, 7th grade:
Post Raisin Bran Cereal Bars are nasty. The raisins are disgusting, and they stick under your teeth. I don’t like them at all.

Re: Stixx

Simone Dec, 8th grade:
It’s in a good wrapper with a picture of the candy bar inside. It is amusing, and the taste is delicious.

Jack Grant, 8th grade:
The chocolaty outside is delicious. As I made my way into the middle of the stick, it got even better. The stick is in a compact form with a shiny wrapper, which glows in the sun. I love them.

Tyrone Spears, 8th grade:
Butterfinger Stixx are chocolaty and crispy on the inside. It has milk chocolate on the outside and orange-colored filling on the inside, and the texture is appealing.

True kingmakers, the FBK speak with the authority of those who are on the ground in middle school cafeterias, where snacks are bought, sold, traded and stolen everyday.

(Tommy and Jack, if you are looking for some freelance work, shoot me an email, thesnackmaniac@gmail.com.)

attn: Japanese girls in search of refreshing summer snack

Ridiculous Kitty themed popsicle sent to me by MOM. (She apparently reads other snack blogs!! Outrageous!!)

a message to snackers

ok, so I have received several comments that I will generously describe as constructive criticism. as I don't have the budget currently to employ a full time om-snacks-man, I am going to take these charges head on.

you are right. I *may* have veered, ever so slightly, from the territory of the "hearty snack" into the "meal." my exuberance to bring you the most aggressive of coverage of all consumables that cross my path has caused me to lose focus.

dear readers, I never want you to be dissatisfied. I appreciate you keeping me true to my mission. the SNACK.

when snacks attack

A well read snacker alerted me to this breaking snack CRIME news. This story involves two of my favorite things, snacks and road rage. Warning to sensitive readers: this story involves the violent demise of an innocent snack.

Apparently some angry drivers in Spotsylvania County, VA got involved in an exchange of RUDE hand gestures, which somehow escalated to one of the drivers sacrificing a BLIZZARD by pitching it out the window and onto the other car!! Can you believe it?!?!?

Here is my favorite part of the story from the Washington Post:

"The ice cream-and-candy treat smeared parts of the Explorer, including the hood and driver's-side door, authorities said.

Enslen said she did not know the flavor of the Blizzard that Johnson tossed."

What amateurs they have in the Spotsylvania County Sheriff's department. They seem to need a snack-forensics team on staff to help noodle out these snack attacks.

snacking on the edge of e. coli

Check out this interactive Vietnamese snack! (ok, so it is technically a meal, but you can order it in "regular" or "large," so I assume you can consider the regular to be a snack.)

Pho is a traditional Vietnamese beef and noodle soup where the meat cooks right it the broth. Dramatic! It also includes a sort of toppings bar, which I always appreciate, that features limes, thai basil and bean sprouts.

That little pot behind my pho was a fresh brewed Vietnamese coffee, which includes sweetened, condensed milk. Previously, I had only know sweetened, condensed milk to be used in seven layer bars (excellent snack!) but now I think it should be used to juice up all drinks. The coffee was strong and sweet, a liquid snack that can make you nuts!

publically funded health care AND this snack?!?

Check of this mind bender of a snack sent in from a globe trotting snacker. These south of the border treats were served NORTH of the border in Canada. This snack probably jumped a fence and we said "keep going, we don't want you, foreign snack" and it wound up in Vancouver.

Our loss.

How will comprehensive immigration reform impact our ability to snack like the Mounties? I am CERTAIN that the ability to make cheesy, fried and guac-drenched snacks qualifies you for an H1-B visa.

breakfast of champions

Technically this is called a coffee cake, which was great news for me because then I was able to eat a chocolate chip cake FIRST THING in the morning. It was full of cinnamon, sour cream and chocolate chips. As a demonstration of snacking endurance, G and I managed to eat almost the entire thing over the course of the weekend.

new way to get cavities

I just can't keep up with all these new snacks!! There must be snack inventors working night and day (in INDIA probably...) crafting new treats for you and me to buy at the store.



Now don't get confused, these are NOT Junior Mints, but in fact, Junior CARAMELS!!! They are pretty tasty, but not as delightful as the original. They sort of taste like Junior Mints because they are covered with the same weird plastic based chocolate coating as the original.

The package instructs that Junior Caramels are "ideal for snacking," although, I'm not quite clear on the sourcing here as this is not an official SnackManiac endorsement.

Gutentag snacks!

Those wacky Europeans love their snacks! G brought this hilarious airplane snack back from his recent jaunt across the pond. It got a little beat up, but check out this cracker that looks like Bart Simpson and his pretzel sunglasses:








In addition to pretzels that LOOK like sunglasses, there is a picture of an extremely chilled out pretzel WEARING sunglasses on the package. Kudos to you, E.U., great meta-snack JOKE, I love it!!I can't tell what that pretzel is talking about, but I assume it is something along the lines of , "check me out, I am a pretzel stick with yellow sneakers and a pinocchio nose." (German is a very efficient language.)

SnackManiac takes a bite out of the big apple: PART III: no Ronald McDonald in sight

At SnackManiac’s urging, we checked out some fancy-pants burger joint in Greenwich Village. The burgers were DELICIOUS. And came in baskets, which I love!! (the nose on the waxed paper had hints of tobacco and blackberries.) Anyhow, while the beef (and in Nikki’s case lamb) was excellent, the snacks obviously stole the show. We had paprika fries with garlic aioli (as promised, more coverage of how mayo can JUICE up any and all snacks) and some humongous Vidalia onion rings.

I was feeling a little peckish after dinner, so we ordered some milkshakes with booze in them. (correction: both mayo AND booze juice up any and all snacks.) Beth had one called “Grandma’s Treat which was vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce and bourbon with some toffee pieces on top. WOW.

snack signage

That’s right, a CORN DOG is a snack on a stick. I couldn’t have put it better myself.