WHAT THE PUBLIC DEMANDS, THE PUBLIC RECEIVES - PART II

In this second installment of reader requested editorial INVESTIGATION, we sleuth out an inquiry all the way from Chicago [attention advertisers: NATIONAL REACH!!!]

Chris sent us an urgent text message regarding a Smucker's product called "Uncrustables." His mode of communication underscores what an "on-the-go" treat this snack truly is.

The basics of an Uncrustable are the most wonder-y of Wonder breads stamped into a perfect circle, around peanut butter and jelly, hence eliminating the crust. It is basically a pb & j empanada.

My primary confusion around this product was "why the heck would you ever buy a pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" This thought was quickly supplemented by my secondary confusion, "why do the instructions read, 'thaw for 30-60 minutes and then enjoy within 8-10 hours??" If you are in such a G.D. hurry that you can't make yourself a peanut butter sandwich, then why would you wait 60 minutes for this pb & j hot pocket to defrost?

Then I realized that 26 year old adults are not, in fact, the target audience for this product, but instead, you are supposed to put it in your kid's lunch box in the morning and it will be ready by the time noon rolls around. Now the SnackManiac is no family psychologist, but I think it is safe to assume that if you open your lunch box and you discover an Uncrustable in there, your parents don't love you.

All this being said, it was a tasty little sandwich. Very squishy, but not soggy.

NEW snack that you want

So for breakfast today, I had a brand new snack that has just hit the market: REESE'S CRISPY CRUNCHY BAR.
G got this snack in a swag bag from a party he went to this week, but I claimed it in the name of investigative journalism. [I encourage snack manufacturers to send me review copies of all new snacks, imagine had I not taken the initiative to find this new candy bar!!!]

The Crispy Crunch Bar was a great jumpstart to the day. The center is much like a Butterfinger, but lighter, surrounded by Reese's peanut butter and then chocolate with little peanut bits in it. Very delicious, but somewhat crumbly, so I wouldn't recommend enjoying it in bed.


UPDATE: I just had a few sharp chest pains after savoring this snack. I didn't read the nutrition facts but I suspect this means that it is not a lo-cal snack. Which is just fine by me.

In love with SNACKS

G and I celebrated Valentine's Day with some fancy pink and red SNACKS.

Check out this highly fizzy and pink champagne.

G couldn't pull his weight on it, so I picked up his slack.

I also made a red velvet cake which involved RED FOOD COLORING. It is a very trendy retro snack. Mine did not look EXACTLY like the one in the NYTimes photo. I ran into some structural issues that resulted in my layer cake looking more like a huge whoopie pie. I used my wits and solved this problem by increasing the whipped cream/cream cheese icing by 100%





Cupid would have been proud.

snackmaniac considers move to denver

Quick dispatch from Denver, CO.

Just drove by a purple building that houses "Quick-Pawn" which has a HUGE sign out front that advertises:

CIGS + SNAX

I like their style, cut right to the chase. I suppose that if you are running an outfit called "Quick-Pawn" you want to get down to business.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY: The Holy Day of Snacks

So, I am worshiping at the feet of the snack gods at Nikki's Super Bowl party this evening. I promise to provide up to the minute coverage of all snacks consumed by me as well as all snacks advertised on the tube. [and yes, of course, there will be complete follow-up posting on how I enjoyed the snacks that I purchased as a direct result of Super Bowl---DORITOS!!!!]

Here's the starting line-up:

PEPPERONI, SALAMI AND PEPPER JACK CHEESE!
DELICIOUS PIZZA MADE BY NIKKI WITH FRESH BASIL!
THE INFAMOUS TURTLE CHEX MIX - A SNACK LEGEND!
TORTILLA CHIPS AND 7 LAYERS OF DIP!!


UPDATE: CBS MUST BE READING SNACKMANIAC!!

The first snack related commercial of the game, was, IN FACT, for Doritos. It was fairly funny, which made me want to BUY some RIGHT AWAY.

CBS, I would love to see a commercial for the following products, so let 'em roll:
- Bugles
- Cheese Waffles
- 5th Avenue Bars!!

UPDATE #2: First of all, I said 5TH AVENUE, not SNICKERS. and I thought that commercial was gross and offensive and not at all true to the mission of the snack. If you were in the bathroom or the fridge, you can watch it here.



UPDATE #3: The snacks above were simply warm-ups, checkout the main event: salad, homemade macaroni and cheese and homemade wings (buffalo AND honey bbq.)


UPDATE #4: Somewhat funny commercial for Emerald Nuts featuring Robert Goulet "messing with people's stuff" while they are at the office in need of a snack. You can watch it at www.emeraldnuts.com

UPDATE #5: DESSERT. Now many of you might know that I took a great interest in the Redskins championship bid last season as a result of the lovely and spirit filled SHEETCAKES made by Giant to cheer the team on. Rooting for the home team allowed me to purchase a sheetcake EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. Anyhow, my grave disappointment in the Redskins vanished upon seeing this beauty: A SNICKERS ICE CREAM CAKE SHAPED LIKE A FOOTBALL!!!

Sparks fiend strikes again

Intrepid reporter Nikki spotted MORE Sparks carnage near her place of residence recently. Who is this multi-can consumer??? Of Sparks PLUS no less.

I am headed to Nikki's shortly (WHERE I WILL BE LIVE BLOGGING THE SUPERBOWL SNACKAGE) so I will be on the look out for highly energized people who may be the culprit...

Guest Blogger!! MiWaFl (pronounced: Me-Waffle)

Attention readers!!

Today we have a submission from a guest blogger, MiWaFl, (thoroughly vetted by me of course.) His narrative is a true testament to the power of snacks in the workplace and the WORLD.

With out further ado:

The Role of Snacks in 21^st Century MBA Recruiting

By miwafl

“Are you going to Lehman’s presentation?”

“No, Amazon has burritos.”

It all began one crisp fall afternoon – the arrival of recruiters to campus, each trying her best to sway first year MBA students to join the ranks of her company for 10-12 weeks during the summer. The persuasion techniques were various: logic, scarcity, confidence, and sometimes a hint of deception. However, in order to use these myriad methods, the students had first to be in attendance, hence the snacks. Initially, pizza was the norm, but recruiters smartly adapted. “Non-pizza lunch will be served” became a common footnote at the bottom of invitations, small in font but large in worth.

With the various classes of snacks, a correlation became apparent and begot wonderment. Did we get shrimp, crab cakes and access to a full bar because this is the #1 consulting firm, or was this the #1 consulting firm because they offered shrimp, crab cakes, and access to a full bar? From bananas and water (not sparkling) to oysters and grey goose, students were treated to a wide array of delicacies. The number of resumes sent to each firm represented customer satisfaction.

In Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle categorized friendship as of utility, pleasure, or virtue. Snacks can be similarly classified, at least by utility and pleasure. The aforementioned examples represented pleasure, but after resumes were sent, the snacks became of utility. With the dawn of interviews, students were required to balance the risks of borborygmi (stomach growling) with halitosis (bad breath). As second round interviews can often last three hours or more, the importance of the right snack cannot be underestimated.

Throughout the entire recruiting process, from initial informational presentation through final round interviews, snacks play a vastly underrated role.